Slim Shady Snr.

Get your hands up in the air
Motherf**kers everywhere
I'm the illest nigga here
Slim Shady is my name

Out of Detroit yes indeed
Busting clips and smoking weed
Letting bitches share my seed
Slim Shady is my name

Last night i took some crystal meth
And stayed up rather late
Wondering which Andrews sister i should impregnate

Ladies wave your pantyhose
Sing the chorus as it goes
Join in homies macks and ho's
Slim Shady thats my name

(TAP SOLO)

I drove off a bridge my sweetheart screaming in the trunk
But no i hadn't slit her throat she was just dealing crunk

Those motherf**kers how they'd mock
punked and bullied on my block
now they're sucking on my glock
Slim Shady is my name

I murder a rhyme one line at a time
You've never heard a mind as perverted as mine
On the back of Shirley Temple I'm doing a line
Slim Shady is my name

Fake Slim Shady's told you once
Dissing, rhyming, smoking blunts
What a bunch of f**king c**ts
Slim Shady that's my name

(So get your hands up in the air
motherf**kers everywhere
cos he's the illest nigger here
Slim Shady Snr. that's his name).

Mingo Jingle

You can win a grand a day
What the hey it's Triple M's bingo

All you have to do is play
A little game we have called MINGO

Musical bingo on the radio is the way to go
It'll help with your cash flow and you'll have that winning glow

Listen weekdays from 9 for Triple M's MINGO

Listen for the songs when you hear
Them call us up and say MINGO

Nothing could be easier
Every work day we'll boost your pay
when we give the cash away

That's the name of the easy little game called MINGO

TRIPLE M!

The New Australian Anthem

Land of Thorpe and Warnie heroes of our day
One of them always horny, the other clearly gay

Nation rugged and so big, room for muslim and jew
And Karl Stephanovic robots welcome too

Lebonon or Rwanada we shelter victims of war
Although thanks to Amanda, you'll be processed offshore

Drought and El Nino have blown in, The brown looks here to stay
As proud as the hair of Paul Cronin, Only our waters gone grey

Captain Cook, C.J Dennis, Flinders, Strezleki and Sturt
Oh why not go to the tennis and cop a lens up your skirt

(Oh no no no no no more upskirting jokes. That is enough of that. Out of the pool Get This)

Jihad Jack

They call him Jihad Jack
Who knows when he will launch a sneaky attack
Come on his facial hair it's quite suspicious a beard with no tash
I think you know what i mean

He's Islamic and that n or something like that
I'm sorry haven't quite got all the facts

They call him Jihad Jack
I hear apparently he trained at some camp
And something else about his wife
It's said that they've never met
I mean how suspicious is that
He should have gone to NIDA not Al-Qaida

(Or so i read somewhere life's sweet yeah,
Now that Jihad Jack's off the streets)

Life is sweet now Jihad Jack is off the street
There's a smile on the face of everybody that you meet
I've gone and got myself a great big plasma screen
So thanks for that

Jihad Jack

Life is sweet now that Jihad Jack is off the street
Got more sandwiches than i could ever eat
And a table tennis table that's concrete
so thanks for that

Jihad Jack

Hooray for Jihad Jack
Let's hope never Osama smuggles him back
You know somehow i think to we've grown to love him
Despite all the facts like him meeting that bloke with the teeth

He's deadly as hell
But cuddly as well
Trodding through the carpark in his manacles

Hey check out Jihad Jack
I think he's gonna get his life back on track
He needs to go back to the life he had but with less jihad
Maybe take up guitar
Keep your head down and then call Harry. M
He'll tell you what to say and when and
Then you go on Dancing with the Stars

Talkback Mountain Extended Remix

Take the climb
Climb up Talkback Mountain
There's no time,
Hey but we're not countin'
Maybe if we had a shorter intro song
We'd be running on time for the
First show since April 23 (of 2006)

So call us up NOW
And the number is,
Get ready here it comes
Get a pen
That's right get a pen
Here it is
Call on 133353 Triple M Thats right 133353 Triple M
yes it's 1 Triple (Cough Cough) 353 Triple M Triple M (Triple M)
Now Here's Nickelback...

Ben Folds Email Theme

Ben Folds will you answer questions
sent in by email or sometimes by mail
but all without fail
are gonna make you smile
or piss off for a while.

Ben Folds have you got a moment
To enjoy the wit
and also the shit
that's sent in by Brit
Who I admit sounds quite insane

She writes and i quote: Could you say hi
To Ben i met him once in rundle mall (in Adelaide)
He probably remembers me cos I was with
A man in a bright green tracksuit covered
In a large amount of his own spew.

Ben Folds will you answer questions
Even when there in the form of a song
Thats gone on too long

Hang on I've nothing writ for this bit

Ben folds you'll be quite surprised to find
That we've had scags,
Yes scags of emails
Many with dovetails

Ed could we have the emails please....

Neighbours Plot or Not (feat. Barry White)

Everybody needs good x 8
Everybody needs good ...Neighbours

Everybody needs good Neighbours
With a little understanding ...we
Can find the perfect blend

Neighbours
They should be there
For one another
That’s when Neighbours become good friends
And then someone falls off a cliff

I never thought that I would be going
The kind of shows that you would be showing
The way you do that Ramsey Street Voodoo
I’m glad I moved here from East Te Awamutu

Neighbours Plot or (Not)
Can’t you see Tony
Neighbours Plot or (Not)
Harold’s started chroming
Neighbours Plot or (Not)
Coffee shops exploded
Neighbours Plot or (Not)
Mrs Mangles loaded

Neighbours plot or not
You decide what
It usually goes quiet shabbily
Coz I’m Edward Kavalee

Neighbours plot
Neighbour plot or not
Come on Ed show us what you’ve got
You’re our world, our hopes and dreams
It can’t be as easy as it seems

Neighbours plot or not (continue until Tony & Ed talk over it)

Ed Kavalee's Introduction

Yess It's Ed Kavalee,
Ed Kavalee you must've seen his sterling work for KFC
Ed Kavalee his rivalry with Gaelan from Big Brother is quite legendry
Ed Kavalee he'll dazzle thee, We've heard about his preparation haven't we

He looks like he's ready to go
He's got Zoo mag,
something he's dragged off of youtube,
A sandwich
Jokes that he's cribbed from his myspace
NOWWW Here's ED

("How was that")

("still going mate")

Ohh Ed Kavalee
I thought Ed Kavalee
But one verse of this was
Quite enough you'd have to agree

I thought Ed Kavalee
Oh he's defamatory
Oh sorry, I'm running out of words
That rhyme with Kavalee
There's cavalry
Obviously balladry
Yeah he's known for that
It looks a lot like Lang K.D

BANG now we're outta the woods
Yes it's Ed time
Or Lentil soup and bread time
And that's the end of the song.


The Women's Magazine Song

Those industry sources
Onlookers, Observers
Associates, Friends and a pal
Those well placed insiders
And most fellow diners
Could not help but notice the smell

Those in attendance
Were startled to witness
The fast growing stain in his pants
But that's just the way Mr Hasselhoff
Likes to do business when he's visiting France

Those pal's and insiders
Amazed fellow diners and
Yes someone close to the star
Insist that friend of an onlookers pal
Had associates there in the bar

Allegedly someone according to sources
Some startled observers and pals
But friends were not sure what the pals saw
Sources all swore something took place
But none of that was verified by
By insiders or observers or the pals

Richard Marsland feels like making love

Baby, I think you know me
I’m Richard Marsland don’t you know.
Maybe, you’d like to blow me a kiss
I’m starring on Rove.

I’m a modest man, don’t like to boast
But they’ve asked me twice, if I would host
Down at Roving, I’m top dog
This week 3 jokes in the monologue

Feel like making
Feel like making love
Feel like making love to you

Baby, you’ve heard Get This
I’m Richard Marsland the host
I can push your buttons
And I always hit the post

I’ve co-produced so many things
Remember Lord of the Rings
Anna-Nicole yeah she was crying
I’m not the daddy but not for want of trying

Feel like making
Feel like making love
Feel like making love to you

When I'm 64

When I get older, dye my hair
7 months from now
Will you be revealed to be a prostitute
Photographed performing with fruit
If i forgoe a prenuptial clause
Will you try to score
Will you divorce me
And intercourse me
When I'm 64

When I Was 64

When I was younger, losing my hair
Several years ago
Wasn't that when you were doing German Porn
Giving Adnan Khashoggi the horn
Going to orgies sucking some (slide whistle)
Who could ask for more
Did you abruptly divorce and bankrupt me
When I was 64

What Would Greg Fleet Do?

If you were halfway down a waterslide
and you suddenly had to spew.
if you bumped into a fat chick
and said when's the baby due.
If your piloting a DC-10
without a f**king clue.

Then it's time to ask the question
What Would Greg Fleet Do?
Probably come out with some nonsense
some rubbish about Camus.
That's what happens when we ask him
What Would Greg Fleet Do?

If you told a bunch of bikies
your an expert in kung-fu.
If theres a dead man on the golf course
and you're spotted playing through.
If your working with Mel Gibson
and he hears that your a Jew.

Then it's clearly time to wonder
What Would Greg Fleet Do?

If you accidentally filled your
petrol tank with super glue.
If you slagged of Nickelback
so many times they tried to sue.
If the doctor checked your ass x-ray
and found a platform shoe.

Then you'll be glad we asked the question
What Would Greg Fleet Do?

Podcast 92

I'm happy with Podcast 92
I laughed til I nearly threw up
Sorrid details following
Theres nothing for Snato fans
There's no Ooh Me Plums
There's no sign of What Animal would you steal from the zoo
(The Zoo The Zoo)
But im hoping there's Ethel Chop
and Andrea Powell and Peter Rowsthorne as well

Which Animal Would You Steal From The Zoo?

Which Animal which animal
Would You Steal From The Zoo

Which Animal which animal
Would You Steal From The ZOO

Maybe an elephant or a cheeta
or a meerkat or two.

Maybe a sea lion or an animal
that you stole from the ZOO.

Bob Dylan - The Get This Explained Tour

(The voice of an entire generation is back
He's been a musical icon for 5 decades
And now Get This proudly present
Bob Dylan Live: The Get This Explained Tour
One man turning one radio show into pure poetry)

Well it's a little old film from Garnett Mae
It stars one man called Kavalee

The young man said "Feel The Steel"
He put his wang in the thing
and he turned the mincing wheel

Penis Grinder

(Dylan weaves the babblings of Martin and
Kavalee into musical magic)

Man with a box of killer bees
Nobody knows what it all means
It's Dizzy Stuff, Joy Buttress

Who is you favourite sailor
On YouTube there's the meatpie trailor
Indian Muncher, Me No Rikey

(One Show Only Bob Dylan Get This Explained)

I aint gonna say norgs with a k no more
I aint gonna punch a donkey no more

(The voice of protest will move and mystify)

They're about to play a Missy Higgins song
Gene Simmons tounge is a cow dong
They get a sandbag and drop it from the sky
On to some goolies
"Ooh Me Plums" is the cry

(Dont miss this once in a lifetime event)

Shaft of Hope, Shaft of Hope
Whatever happend to the Shaft of Hope
Maybe it's under Laurie Oakes

(Bob Dylan: The Get This Explained Tour)

Jumper Pants Everywhere
and who the f**k is impersonating a german polar bear

(Supported by Steven Segal's Thunderbox)

In my deams i see flowers red, blue or pink

Are you Capable? (Capril theme song)

Maybe you thought we were taking the piss
Maybe you thought I’m not having this
Maybe you thought I might just give Capril a miss
(Yeah hang on, that sounds just like me)

Hey you! (Who me?)
Yes you! (What do ya want?)
Is that some kind of cape?
(Why yes it is)
So what’s the idea?
(It’s something called Capril)
It sounds really well thought out

It is!
What’s more, we’ve gone and got a prize
(That’s not like you)
I know, check it out
(Is that an I Mac?)
It isn’t a box of sand

Get This
For once
Has got a proper prize
So get ya cape
(But who’s got a cape?)
Oh for f&^k sake, a bath towel will do
(I’ll just swirl it around my neck)
And once you get in a cape
In amazement they will gape
and they’ll say “Who’s that twat?”
(Oh hang on that’s not a really very good way to sell this idea)

No it’s not
(Ah could you just jump the record over a couple of groves)
What like this?

So are you Cap-a-ble?
(It’s the question everyones asking)
Are you Cap-a-ble?


John Howard's Persuasion

Richard: Mr Howard
John: Yes
R: Do you really think you can push your goverment across the line?
J: Look I'm not gonna answer that, I know what this is about Richard
it's one of your little comedy spoofs you just want to make me look foolish.
R: So your not...
J: I'm not gonna say anything
R: Nothing (silence) Nothing at all, Would you be prepared to sing?
J: What, sing?
R: You could supply your answers in verse
J: That's not gonna make me look like an idiot is it?
R: No not at all, In fact use this guitar if you want
J: Oh alright what was the question again?
R: How do you think the voters see you at this point?
J: Oh look i know what they're saying about me Richard. They think...

J: I'm a dud (that's right) and now your tempted
by the promise of this Kevin Rudd

J: Take it away Tim

Tim Finn: I'm his friend
J: I haven't even annouced a date
T: Theres a constant battle running through my head
J: Spats or Broges
T: I dont know what to do
J: Sorry it's got nothing to do with the possibly upcoming election
T: Cos I still believe
J: I still believe
J & T: After all the foolish things that we've been through
J: We were paying Saddam, who knew?
J & T:I will always be a man whose open to...
J: Persuasion, oh sorry went too early
T: Persuasion
J: I'll get the backing vocals Nah nah nah nah nah
T: Nah nah nah nah nah

J: Oh geeze i am looking like a bit of a dick Richard I'll tell ya what I'll do a verse.

J: I'll get another shot
so long as no-one mentions
children you know what
(Its going quite well now)
Yes I'm on fire
eversince i guaranteed that i'd retire
T: I dont know what to do
J & T: Cos i still believe in..
J: Incentivation
J & T: After all the foolish things that we've been through
J: I can play the didgeridoo (where is it?)
T: I can always understand something new
J: I sure can Tim listen to this (Didgeridoo Music)
T: And ill always be a man whose open to...
J: Oh hang on ill get this Persuasion...
T: Persuasion
J: Oh shit, I'll get it, Persuasion..
T: Persuasion
J: Um Oh, nah nah nah nah nah nah nah
T: Nah nah nah nah nah
J: F**ked the whole thing up i think
T: Im open to
J: Im open to, here we go
J: Persuasion
T: Persuasion,
J: Alright, jeez
T: Yeah Yeah Yeah I still believe I still believe I still believe
J: Here we go
Children Overboard
I'm an Overlord
Nothing untoward
with the Telstra board
I play the Harpsicord
My house is weatherboard
I can mow the lawn from a Ho'verboard (he heh heh)
That's a hoverboard Tim
In case your wondering
like in Back To The Future II
J: That's the answer to rising sea levels I reckon hoverboards for everybody.

Barry, The Naughty Psychopath©

He's got a thousand different ways to kill you, yes he has
Why because he is a crazy f**k.

He's gonna chop you up in tiny pieces
Yes he is and hide you in back of his pick-up
And then he'll drive up to the mountains
And he'll throw all of the bits into the sea
Where you'll be digested by a shark

Would he do that?
Yes!
Why is that?
I'll tell you
That’s because he's Barry, The Naughty Psychopath©

He's got a list of people
That he's probably going to kill
According to the voices in his head
He's had a lot of cops and the press sniffing around
But they almost always end up dead.
The last time that someone tried to link him to a murder
He flayed off all their skin and wore it as a girdel

Because he is psychopath
So I wouldn't make him angry
Cause he can get quite hungry
Yeah when he does
He likes to eat your testes in a bun OY!

He's got a little cottage in the forest where he sits
Writing a lengthy manifesto
He's not the sort of person that you'd want to interrupt
Unless you'd like to end up in the pesto

I know it seems a bit unlikely
That Barry would be into cuisine
From south of France or Italy
He’s a man of many contradictions
That’s because he's Barry, The Naughty Psychopath©

He’s not impressed whenever he meets somebody who says
They didn't like The Silence of the Lambs
He loves Seven, Copycat, Halloween, Dressed to Kill
But he didn't care for Kiss the Girls.

He thought that Morgan Freeman came across as a bit of a jerk
It didn't ring quite true compared to his early works.
So you can see he is a psychopath
But also someone with sophisticated views on film

His neighbors all describe him as a quite bloke.

But then they wouldn't if they popped around to see
Barry at home out in the shed
Stacking corpses up against the wall
Wearing his new night-vision goggles
That’s because he's Barry, The Naughty Psychopath©

He hasn’t had a lot of luck with women up ‘til now
Due to all the ugly murder talk
But if you’re keen
Just drop off your hair
Give it a push under his door
Then perhaps he might agree to stalk

The last time a lady friend invited him out to dinner
He tried to wine and dine
But in the end just skinned her
You see you have to keep in mind
That Barry is a very Naughty Psychopath©