"Get This,
For once
Has got a proper prize
So get your cape
But who's got a cape?
Oh, for fuck's sake
A bath towel will do
I'll just twirl it around my neck
And once you're getting 'round in a cape,
In amazement they will gape
And they'll say
"Whose that twat?"
Oh hang on,
That's not a very good way
To sell this idea"
He's the one whose name comes after title, but what do we actually know about the man himself? Well for starters, read this out of date bio copied and pasted straight from the now defunct
Get This page on the Triple M website:
The Out-of-Date Get This Bio:
"Tony Martin is the oldest and loudest member of the
Get This team and his motto is 'Motto? What c*** has a motto?'. But if he were to have one it would be: 'Why do one thing properly when you can do many things with middling success?'On radio, Martin first began spouting his nonsense on Triple-M Melbourne twenty years ago, as part of
The D-Generation Breakfast Show (1987-1991), where he was rather mystifyingly known as 'The Fat Man'. For several (four) months in 1990 he co-hosted the controversial Sunday night shambles
Bulltwang , home of the award-winning 'Inner Life of Mr Copperart' monologues, performed by a heavily medicated and often foul-mouthed Pete Smith. From 1995 to 1998 Martin was the Martin half of
Martin/Molloy, the most famous program in the history of radio, or so they claimed at the time. Although the surviving evidence seems to consist of a prolonged 'anal outburst' by someone called Mr Methane, and three rather overblown concept albums,
The Brown Album (1995),
Poop Chute (1996) and
Eat Your Peas (1998), all of which were somehow ARIA Award-winners and now fetch upwards of 39 cents (US currency) on eBay.
On television, Martin initially showed up as a writer and performer on the second series of
The D-Generation (1987). The show hadn't really needed anyone new and several fine sketches were ruined by his halting delivery and stick-figure tomfoolery. He did a little better in the
The D-Generation Goes Commercial (1988) with that brown suit thing, and by the time they got round to doing
The Late Show (1992-93), many of the more talented people had moved on to
Fast Forward, so he was kept on. On
The Late Show he got to yell swear words at an elephant, was the voice of 'Bargearse', co-hosted a segment ('Sink The Slipper') later adapted by the Dutch ('Der Klomp Zinken') and visited a shop called Stacks of Slacks, all in an astonishing parade of ill-advised outfits and hairstyles. Most of the good bits are on the DVDs
The Best Bits of The Late Show: Champagne Edition and
The Late Show Presents Bargearse and The Olden Days. For some of the really dodgy early stuff see
The Best and Second Best of The D-Generation . Since then Martin has done bugger-all on the telly, although he was that bloke with the beard pushing Magda over a fence on
Kath & Kim, and his recent appearances on
Thank God You're Here have been acclaimed as 'not as good as that time he was the Swat team guy'.
Martin wrote, produced and directed the 'comedy crime drama'
Bad Eggs (2003) which, despite screening to some 'acclaim' in Germany (as
Mit vollum Einsatz!), is perhaps best remembered for being upstaged by the extras on its own gargantuan DVD. Martin's second feature
BoyTown Confidential (2007) a controversial 'mockumentary', remains unreleased. Those who have seen it describe it as 'pretty strong meat'. Martin has appeared, to little effect, in several (two) hit movies, including
The Castle and
Crackerjack . His next film,
Alvin: Wrath of God, a bawdy remake of the austere Herzog classic, starring a rejuvenated Graeme Blundell tackle-out and up the jungle, will shoot in the spring.
As a stand-up comic, Tony Martin performed his first gig at the Espy in December 1990 and within weeks his startling impression of Patrick Duffy in
Man From Atlantis was the talk of front bars from the Prince Pat to The Dick Whit. In 2000, his Melbourne Comedy Festival show
A Quiet Word was nominated for the Barry Award, but since then gigs have been largely unannounced and mostly unattended. He recently dropped the Duffy gear.
Martin's book
Lolly Scramble has been reprinted three times, largely because of spelling errors, and was named one of the
Best Non-Fiction Books of 2005 by PopMatters.com, who are based in Chicago where you can't even get it. The sequel,
Quick, Before William McInnes Puts Another One Out! is due for release in 2008.
Martin's theatre restaurant spectacular,
More Plums Vicar, These Two Are Soiled! will commence rehearsal once we've settled on the desserts."
The wonderful talents of Mr Martin...
Looks familiar? Sounds familiar? Click here to see all of Tony's incarnations.Not just a voice on radio! Click here to link to a myriad of Tony videos.Tony's Twisted Tale...you know, that script for Bryan Brown? Bryan if you're reading...This way for more Tony...